Disclaimers.

Everyone told me it would happen. Between sobbing during the cool down in Pure Barre (let’s lose the slow love songs, Emily) and inexplicably loosing my shit walking past the meat counter at the grocery store, I stumbled upon a more practical, and quite frankly more enjoyable emotion known as ANGER.
As I enter into this phase of my break-up recovery, I think now would be a wise time to set forth a few “disclaimers” so as to not offend those reading my blog and to ward of any potential lawsuits. (In case you’ve skipped over the “about me” portion of this blog, I’m a lawyer, obviously.) While this blog is not intended to bash XBF or the male species in general, I do have a smart-ass and often haughty sense of humor. Deal with it.

DISCLAIMERS

1. If you are related to or close personal friends with my ex and you have absolutely no sense of humor about his short comings, then you should probably stop reading. I’m sure there are other blogs out there more suited for your humorless souls. Peace out.

2. I have a foul mouth. This blog will contain foul language and I shall make no apologies about it. Sometimes the words “dirty fucking cunt” are the only accurate words to describe a person. I bet you are thinking of that person right now.

3. I like to drink, a lot, particularly margs, or any other drink that contains tequila or alcohol. As a consequence, some of my posts will contain tales induced by/resulting from/ or simply hysterical because of alcohol. I may even write a few post while under the influence. In fact, I am currently sipping on a bloody mary as I type on this airplane.

4. I reserve the right to exaggerate and embellish stories for dramatic effect. It’s not lying, but rather spicing up a real story to make it more interesting for readers. As such, please do not pull an Oprah/ James Frey moment on me and call me out to the world for lying.

5. I will make typographical, grammatical, punctuational and spelling errors. I’m an educated woman who graduated magna cum laude from law school. However, I also had a tendency to paint my nails during my honors English class in middle school and may have missed a few key points. However, ask me to diagram a sentence and I will kick ass! Thanks Mrs. Gardetto!

6. This blog may contain sexually explicit language as I depict my many sexual escapades now that I am a single woman. I’d like to think of myself as the older, smarter, less annoying version of Anastasia Steele from 50 Shades of Grey. Wait, who am I kidding? I’m unbearably awkward when it comes to the opposite sex, terrified of contracting an STD and completely dumb-founded by a penis. Cheers to celibacy! (for today).

ENJOY!