After many restless nights, sleepless mornings and flat-out shitty days, I am finally on the upswing. I am once again enjoying life and making plans for my future (stay tuned). Despite this regained optimism, I still find myself battling nostalgia, romanticizing even the most mundane aspects of my former relationship. In an effort to maintain my positive momentum, I find it necessary to remind myself of some of my ex’s “finer moments,” which illustrate that I truly dodged a bullet…big time.
I fully admit that I am a woman with a healthy appetite. I’m a marathoner and I’m hungry, a lot! I enjoy a good meal and become visibly agitated when such meal is denied or otherwise delayed. I am not the type of person to pretend I am not hungry and then sit in my car stuffing my face with m&m’s. Instead, I will indulge in an entire bag quite publicly and rather proudly (and then go for a 5 mile run to work it off!).
My voracious appetite did not go unnoticed by my ex. What started out as innocent teasing, turned into incessant jabs at my mere mentioning of food. Suggesting brunch would send him into a wild frenzy of giggles and insults. He went so far as to nickname me the “hungry hungry hippo.” Any protests to this nickname only fueled his fire. He would email me photos of hippos, dvr specials on hippos and he even bought me this for my birthday:
Dick.
I can take a joke and Ieven laughed at some of his antics. Afterall, any attention was better than no attention, right? But this fourth grade mentality became particularly bothersome because it played to my biggest insecurity…my weight. He knew I was self-conscious about my size but continued to berate me all in the name of a “joke.” But no one found him particularly funny. In fact, several people told me they felt uncomfortable when he would speak to me that way. I will never know why he found putting me down so damn amusing, although I can take a guess.
But you know what? The joke’s on him. I ran into him a few weeks ago and it seems as of late, he really has been all that hungry hungry.
Heartbreak with Humor 
God, these assholes must have a handbook. Mine used to stand behind me when I was looking in a mirror, pull all my skin and “fat” behind me with his hands, and show me “how hot [I] could look.” And this was at exactly the same time that I was dancing for a minor league sports team and had my photo in a swimsuit calendar, sooo…probably was doing just fine, thanks.
My therapist would tell me later that guys like that are just trying to wound your self esteem so that you feel there’s no benefit to you leaving them. After all, who wants a fat girl? (Insert big eyeroll here.) She may be right, but I hope she’s not, because surely we had better sense than to date a couple of sociopaths…right??
I am a fat ass. Like, gain a 100 lbs in a few years fat ass. And my boyfriend would never, ever, remotely, think of doing this to me. It isnt funny because you are thin, or because you run, or anything else. What a mother fucking dick.
Hi Brooke! Love your blog…great writing! After reading this latest one, I can’t believe what an asshole your ex is. You should thank your lucky stars that you guys broke up. You will end up with someone so much better than him who treats you the way you deserve to be treated. I really enjoyed hanging out with you in Boston and would love to get together for lunch soon!
Thanks Summer! I had so much fun too! I agree a lunch is in order!